๋ฌด๋ฃŒ IELTS ๋ผ์ดํŒ… ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ์ƒ˜ํ”Œ | ๋ฐด๋“œ 7-9 ๋ชจ๋ฒ” ์—์„ธ์ด

ESL ํ•™์ƒ๋“ค์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ์„ค๊ณ„๋œ ๋ฌด๋ฃŒ IELTS ๋ผ์ดํŒ… ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ์ƒ˜ํ”Œ๊ณผ ๋ฐด๋“œ 7-9 ๋ชจ๋ฒ” ์—์„ธ์ด๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›์•„๋ณด์„ธ์š”. ๊ณ ๋“์  ์—์„ธ์ด ๊ตฌ์กฐ, ํ•™์ˆ  ์–ดํœ˜, ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ธ ์ž‘๋ฌธ ๊ธฐ๋ฒ•์„ ๋ฐฐ์›Œ IELTS ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ๋ฐด๋“œ ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ํ–ฅ์ƒ์‹œํ‚ค๊ณ  ์‹œํ—˜์—์„œ ์„ฑ๊ณต์„ ๊ฑฐ๋‘์„ธ์š”.

Global Production by Sector (2040-2060)

๋‹น์‹ ์€ ์ด 12๊ฐœ์˜ ๋ฌธ์žฅ์„ ์ž‘์„ฑํ–ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

์ด ์—์„ธ์ด์˜ ์ •ํ™•ํ•œ ๋ฐด๋“œ ์ ์ˆ˜๋Š” 6.8์ž…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.


๊ฐ€์žฅ ์ค‘์š”ํ•œ 3๊ฐœ์˜ ๋ฌธ์žฅ์ด ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ 0.8 ๋ฐด๋“œ ๋‚ฎ์ถ”๊ณ  ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

์ด 3๊ฐœ์˜ ๋ฌธ์žฅ๋งŒ ์ˆ˜์ •ํ•ด๋„ ์ ์ˆ˜๊ฐ€ Band 6.8 โ†’ 7.6๋กœ ์ƒ์Šนํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.


5๊ฐœ์˜ ์ฃผ์š” ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ฅผ ๋ชจ๋‘ ํ•ด๊ฒฐํ•˜๋ฉด Band 8+์„ ๋…ธ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

(๋ชจ๋“  ์—์„ธ์ด ์ฒดํฌ๋ฅผ ํ•ด์ œํ•˜๋ฉด ๋” ๋น ๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ์˜ฌ๋ฆด ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด์š”! ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿš€)

๋ฌด๋ฃŒ๋กœ 3ํšŒ ์—์„ธ์ด ๊ฒ€์‚ฌํ•ด๋ณด๊ธฐย ย โžค
The given pie charts show some data about projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.

Overall, services are expected to have highest production in both years. (~0.25)Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest production. (~0.22)The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and info-com tech. (~0.25)

In 2040, services are predicted to be 40% which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase little in 2060. (~0.2)Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060. (~0.25)Energy is 7% in 2040 but decrease 2% in 2060.Agriculture is 4% and will reduce 3% in 2060.Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase in 2060.

Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the others will change a little.However, some data seems unclear and the charts do not give information about total production or other details.

7
์ „์ฒด ์ ์ˆ˜
๋ฌธ๋ฒ•์˜ ๋ฒ”์œ„์™€ ์ •ํ™•์„ฑ
6.5
์–ดํœ˜ ์ž์›
7
์ผ๊ด€์„ฑ๊ณผ ์‘์ง‘์„ฑ
7.5
๊ณผ์ œ ์‘๋‹ต
6

๋ผ์ดํŒ… ๋ฐด๋“œ๋ฅผ 1.0โ€“1.5 ๋” ๋น ๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ์˜ฌ๋ฆฌ์„ธ์š”!

๋‹ค๋ฅธ ์•ฑ์—๋Š” ์—†๋Š” ๋„๊ตฌ๋กœ

๋ฌธ์žฅ ์ˆ˜์ค€ ์ ์ˆ˜ ๋ถ„์„

์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๊นŽ์•„ ๋จน๋Š” 3โ€“5๊ฐœ์˜ ์•ฝํ•œ ๋ฌธ์žฅ์„ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ์ฐพ์•„๋ƒ…๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ˆ˜์ •ํ•˜๋ฉด ์ „์ฒด ๋ฐด๋“œ๊ฐ€ 1.0+ ์ƒ์Šนํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๊ฐ์  ์š”์ธ ๋ถ„์„ ํŒจ๋„

TR / CC / LR / GRA ์ ์ˆ˜์™€ ๊ฐ ๊ฐ์  ์š”์ธ์„ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ํ™•์ธํ•˜์—ฌ IELTS ์‹œํ—˜๊ด€์ด ์›ํ•˜๋Š” ๊ฒƒ์„ ๋งˆ์นจ๋‚ด ์•Œ๊ฒŒ ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ฐด๋“œ 9 ๋‹ค์‹œ ์“ฐ๊ธฐ ๋ฐ ์—ฐ์Šต ๋ฌธ์ œ

์ž์‹ ์˜ ์•„์ด๋””์–ด๋ฅผ ๋ฐด๋“œ 9 ์ˆ˜์ค€์œผ๋กœ ๋‹ค์‹œ ์ž‘์„ฑํ•˜์—ฌ ์ตœ๊ณ  ๋“์ ์ž๋“ค์ด ๊ฐ™์€ ๋‚ด์šฉ์„ ์–ด๋–ป๊ฒŒ ํ‘œํ˜„ํ•˜๋Š”์ง€ ์ •ํ™•ํžˆ ํ™•์ธํ•˜์„ธ์š”.

๋ฐด๋“œ 7 ๋‹ค์‹œ ์“ฐ๊ธฐ ๋ฐ ์—ฐ์Šต ๋ฌธ์ œ

20๊ฐœ ์ด์ƒ์˜ ๋ชฉํ‘œ ์—ฐ์Šต ๋ฌธ์ œ๋ฅผ ํ†ตํ•ด ์ƒ์œ„ 5๊ฐ€์ง€ ๊ฐœ์ธ์ ์ธ ์•ฝ์ ์„ ๋งˆ์Šคํ„ฐํ•˜์„ธ์š”. ์ด ๊ฐ•๋ ฅํ•œ ์กฐํ•ฉ์€ ๋Œ€๋ถ€๋ถ„์˜ ํ•™์Šต์ž๊ฐ€ 1.0โ€“1.5+ ๋ฐด๋“œ๋ฅผ ๋น ๋ฅด๊ฒŒ ์˜ฌ๋ฆฌ๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

์‚ฌ๋žŒ ํ”ผ๋“œ๋ฐฑ ์ปค๋ฎค๋‹ˆํ‹ฐ

์‹ค์ œ ํ•™์ƒ๋“ค. ์‹ค์ œ ๊ต์ •. ์ง€์ง€์ ์ธ ์ปค๋ฎค๋‹ˆํ‹ฐ ๋‚ด์—์„œ ์—ฐ์Šตํ•˜์—ฌ ๋™๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ถ€์—ฌํ•˜๊ณ  ์ฑ…์ž„๊ฐ์„ ์œ ์ง€ํ•˜์„ธ์š”.

๊ตฌ๋งค & ์ ˆ์•ฝ

๋Œ€๋Ÿ‰ ๊ตฌ๋งค๋ฅผ ์นœ๊ตฌ๋“ค๊ณผ ๊ณต์œ ํ•˜๊ณ  ๋ชจ๋‘ ์ถ”๊ฐ€ ํ˜œํƒ์„ ๋ฐ›์œผ์„ธ์š”!๐ŸŽ‰ ๐Ÿš€ ๋Œ€๋Ÿ‰ ๊ตฌ๋งค ํ• ์ธ์œผ๋กœ ์—„์ฒญ๋‚œ ์ ˆ์•ฝ! ๐Ÿ’ฐ ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ก ์Šค๋งˆํŠธ ์‡ผํ•‘ ์•Œ๋ฆผ: ๋” ๋งŽ์ด ๊ตฌ๋งคํ• ์ˆ˜๋ก ๋” ๋งŽ์ด ์ ˆ์•ฝํ•˜์„ธ์š”! ๋” ํฐ ํ• ์ธ์„ ์œ„ํ•ด ๋” ๋งŽ์€ ์ˆ˜๋Ÿ‰์„ ์„ ํƒํ•˜์„ธ์š”! ๐Ÿ›’โœจ

ํ•™์Šต ๋ชฉ์ ์˜ ๋Œ€๋žต์ ์ธ ๊ฐ์  ์ถ”์ • โ€” ๊ณต์‹ IELTS ํ‰๊ฐ€ ๊ธฐ์ค€์ด ์•„๋‹˜
~0.4
ย services are expected to have highest production in both years
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing article 'the' before 'highest production' makes the phrase ungrammatical and less precise.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Article usage
ย services are expected to have the highest production in both years
~0.3
ย Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest production.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'second largest production' is awkward; 'production' is uncountable here and should be replaced with 'sector' or rephrased for clarity.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Word choice and collocation
ย Manufacturing is also important and is the second largest sector.
~0.3
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40% which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'which' causes a run-on sentence and reduces clarity.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Punctuation (comma usage)
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40%, which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.
~0.3
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase little in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Incorrect adverbial phrase 'increase little'; should be 'increase a little' or 'increase slightly' for grammatical correctness.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Adverb usage
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase a little in 2060.
~0.3
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing preposition 'by' before '2%' to indicate the amount of increase.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Preposition usage
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15%, but it will increase by 2% in 2060.
~0.3
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decrease 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Subject-verb agreement error: 'Energy' is singular, so verb should be 'decreases'; also missing preposition 'by' before '2%'.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Subject-verb agreement and preposition usage
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decreases by 2% in 2060.
~0.3
ย Agriculture is 4% and will reduce 3% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Verb 'reduce' is incorrectly used; 'reduce' is usually transitive. The correct form is 'will be reduced by' or 'will decrease by'. Also missing preposition 'by'.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Verb form and preposition usage
ย Agriculture is 4% and will decrease by 3% in 2060.
~0.3
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'but' causes a run-on sentence.
๐Ÿ˜ขGrammatical Range & Accuracy - Punctuation (comma usage)
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040, but will slightly increase in 2060.
~0.2
ย services are expected to have highest production in both years
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing article 'the' before 'highest production' makes the phrase unnatural and grammatically incorrect.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues or unnatural phrasing
ย services are expected to have the highest production in both years
~0.2
ย Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest production.
๐Ÿ–‰ย 'production' is a mass noun here and not usually quantified as 'second largest production'; better to say 'second largest sector' or 'second largest contributor'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues or unnatural phrasing
ย Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest sector.
~0.3
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and info-com tech.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'info-com tech' is an awkward and non-standard abbreviation; the correct term is 'info-communication technology' or 'information and communication technology'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues or unnatural phrasing
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and information and communication technology.
~0.1
ย services are predicted to be 40% which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'which' causes a run-on and affects clarity; also 'be 40%' is awkward, better to say 'account for 40%'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues or unnatural phrasing
ย services are predicted to account for 40%, which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%
~0.2
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase little in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย 'increase little' is unnatural phrasing; more natural would be 'increase slightly' or 'increase a little'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues or unnatural phrasing
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase slightly in 2060.
~0.3
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Repetition of 'Info-com tech' with same awkward term; also 'increase 2%' lacks preposition 'by'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues and repetition
ย Information and communication technology is the third highest in 2040 with 15%, but it will increase by 2% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decrease 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing 'will' before 'decrease' and missing preposition 'by' before '2%'; also inconsistent verb tense.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Word form and collocation
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but will decrease by 2% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Agriculture is 4% and will reduce 3% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย 'reduce' is transitive verb and requires an object; better to say 'will reduce by 3%' or 'will decrease by 3%'.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Word form and collocation
ย Agriculture is 4% and will reduce by 3% in 2060.
~0.1
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing article 'the' before 'Materials' (a sector name) and awkward phrasing 'slightly increase' without specifying what it increases to.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Collocation issues
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase to X% in 2060.
~0.1
ย Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the others will change a little.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Repetition of 'a little' and 'remain stable' is somewhat vague; more precise vocabulary could be used.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Repetition of words or lack of lexical variation
ย Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the others will experience slight changes.
~0.1
ย However, some data seems unclear and the charts do not give information about total production or other details.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'some data seems unclear' is imprecise and awkward; 'some data are unclear' or 'some data points are unclear' would be better.
๐Ÿ˜ขLexical Resource - Word form and collocation
ย However, some data are unclear and the charts do not provide information about total production or other details.
~0.2
ย Overall, services are expected to have highest production in both years.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing article 'the' before 'highest production' makes the sentence less clear and less formal, affecting clarity of referencing.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Unclear referencing or vague pronouns
ย Overall, services are expected to have the highest production in both years.
~0.2
ย Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest production.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'second largest production' is awkward and unclear; 'second largest sector' or 'second highest production' would be clearer. Also, the sentence lacks a linking word to improve cohesion.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak transitions and unclear referencing
ย Manufacturing is also important, as it is the second largest sector in terms of production.
~0.2
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and info-com tech.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'info-com tech' is informal and inconsistent with the rest of the essay; also, the list lacks a final comma before 'and' (Oxford comma) which slightly affects clarity.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Inconsistent terminology and minor cohesion device omission
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials, and information and communication technology.
~0.1
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40% which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'which' creates a run-on sentence and affects the clarity of the idea connection.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak or missing transitions between clauses
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40%, which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.
~0.1
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase little in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'will increase little' is awkward and unclear; it should be 'will increase slightly' for better clarity and cohesion.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Awkward sequence of ideas and unclear expression
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase slightly in 2060.
~0.1
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'but' weakens the connection between the two clauses; also, 'increase 2%' is unclear without 'by'.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak transitions and unclear referencing
ย Information and communication technology is the third highest in 2040 with 15%, but it will increase by 2% in 2060.
~0.1
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decrease 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing 'will' before 'decrease' and missing comma before 'but' cause grammatical and cohesion issues.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak transitions and unclear referencing
ย Energy is 7% in 2040, but will decrease by 2% in 2060.
~0.1
ย Agriculture is 4% and will reduce 3% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย 'Reduce' is incorrectly used; 'decrease by' is more appropriate for quantities. Also, missing comma before 'and' affects flow.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Awkward expression and weak transitions
ย Agriculture is 4%, and will decrease by 3% in 2060.
~0.1
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'but' weakens the connection between clauses.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak transitions
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040, but will slightly increase in 2060.
~0.1
ย Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the others will change a little.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'change a little' is vague and informal; more precise language would improve clarity and cohesion.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Vague referencing and informal expression
ย Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the other sectors will experience slight changes.
~0.2
ย However, some data seems unclear and the charts do not give information about total production or other details.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The sentence introduces a new idea abruptly without clear connection to previous content; 'However' is used but the logical link is weak. Also, 'some data seems unclear' is vague.
๐Ÿ˜ขCoherence & Cohesion - Weak or missing transitions and vague referencing
ย However, it is important to note that some data appear unclear, as the charts do not provide information about total production or additional details.
~0.2
ย Overall, services are expected to have highest production in both years.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing article 'the' before 'highest production' leads to inaccurate reporting of information.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย Overall, services are expected to have the highest production in both years.
~0.2
ย Manufacturing is also important and it is the second largest production.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Phrase 'second largest production' is awkward and imprecise; should specify 'sector' or 'share' for clarity.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย Manufacturing is also important and is the second largest sector.
~0.3
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and info-com tech.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Listing sectors without indicating their relative sizes or trends misses key feature comparison and detail.
๐Ÿ˜ขSelecting and highlighting key features
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials, and info-com tech, which have smaller but varying shares.
~0.2
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40% which will slightly decrease in 2060 to 39%.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing comma before 'which' causes a run-on sentence; also 'slightly decrease' is vague and lacks precise comparison.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately and providing sufficient detail
ย In 2040, services are predicted to be 40%, which will slightly decrease to 39% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase little in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย 'Increase little' is ungrammatical and vague; lacks precise quantification of change.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately and providing sufficient detail
ย Manufacturing is 31% in 2040 and will increase slightly to 32% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing preposition 'by' before '2%' and lack of clarity whether increase is absolute or relative; also 'third highest' should be 'third largest sector'.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately and providing sufficient detail
ย Info-com tech is the third largest sector in 2040 with 15%, and it will increase by 2% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decrease 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Verb agreement error: 'decrease' should be 'decreases'; also missing preposition 'by' before '2%'.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย Energy is 7% in 2040 but decreases by 2% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Agriculture is 4% and will reduce 3% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Missing preposition 'by' before '3%'; 'reduce' should be 'reduce by' or 'decrease by'.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย Agriculture is 4% in 2040 and will reduce by 3% in 2060.
~0.2
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Lacks precise figure for increase; vague 'slightly increase' is insufficient detail.
๐Ÿ˜ขProviding sufficient detail
ย Materials is the smallest sector with 3% in 2040 but will slightly increase to 4% in 2060.
~0.3
ย Generally, services and manufacturing remain stable, while the others will change a little.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Oversimplifies trends; some sectors decrease notably (e.g., agriculture reduces by 3%), so 'remain stable' is inaccurate for manufacturing which increases slightly, and 'change a little' is vague.
๐Ÿ˜ขComparing and contrasting information adequately
ย Generally, services remain relatively stable, manufacturing shows a slight increase, while other sectors experience small but notable changes.
~0.3
ย However, some data seems unclear and the charts do not give information about total production or other details.
๐Ÿ–‰ย This statement is irrelevant and speculative; task requires reporting given data, not commenting on missing information.
๐Ÿ˜ขAppropriate format and relevance
ย Omit this sentence to maintain focus on describing the data presented.
~0.2
ย The given pie charts show some data about projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย The phrase 'some data' is vague and underdeveloped; does not clearly introduce key features or scope of the charts.
๐Ÿ˜ขSelecting and highlighting key features
ย The given pie charts show the projected global production by sector in 2040 and 2060.
~0.2
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials and info-com tech.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Use of 'info-com tech' is informal and inconsistent; should use full term 'information and communication technology' or standard abbreviation.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย The charts also include data for energy, agriculture, materials, and information and communication technology.
~0.1
ย Info-com tech is the third highest in 2040 with 15% but it will increase 2% in 2060.
๐Ÿ–‰ย Inconsistent naming of sector; 'Info-com tech' should be consistent and formal throughout.
๐Ÿ˜ขReporting information accurately
ย Information and communication technology is the third largest sector in 2040 with 15%, and it will increase by 2% in 2060.

๋ฌด๋ฃŒ IELTS ๋ผ์ดํŒ… ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ์ƒ˜ํ”Œ ํŽ˜์ด์ง€์— ์˜ค์‹  ๊ฒƒ์„ ํ™˜์˜ํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค! ์—ฌ๊ธฐ์—์„œ ์‹ค์ œ IELTS ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ๋ฌธ์ œ์— ๋Œ€ํ•œ ๋ฐด๋“œ 7-9 ๋ชจ๋ฒ” ๋‹ต์•ˆ์„ ๋‹ค์–‘ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ํƒ์ƒ‰ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ์˜ˆ์ œ๋Š” ๋ฐ์ดํ„ฐ, ํŠธ๋ Œ๋“œ, ํ”„๋กœ์„ธ์Šค๋ฅผ ๋ช…ํ™•ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ •ํ™•ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์„ค๋ช…ํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ์ดํ•ดํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐ ๋„์›€์ด ๋˜๋„๋ก ์‹ ์ค‘ํ•˜๊ฒŒ ์ž‘์„ฑ๋˜์—ˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

์šฐ๋ฆฌ์˜ ์ปฌ๋ ‰์…˜์€ ๊ทธ๋ž˜ํ”„, ์ฐจํŠธ, ํ‘œ, ๋‹ค์ด์–ด๊ทธ๋žจ, ์ง€๋„๋ฅผ ํฌํ•จํ•œ ๋ชจ๋“  ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 1 ์œ ํ˜•์„ ๋‹ค๋ฃจ๋ฏ€๋กœ ๋ชจ๋“  ์งˆ๋ฌธ ํ˜•์‹์— ๋Œ€์‘ํ•˜๋Š” ์—ฐ์Šต์„ ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ๊ฐ ์ƒ˜ํ”Œ์—๋Š” ์ƒ์„ธํ•œ ์„ค๋ช…์ด ํฌํ•จ๋˜์–ด ์žˆ์–ด ๋†’์€ ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๋ฐ›๋Š” ์ด์œ ์™€ ๊ณผ์ œ ๋‹ฌ์„ฑ, ์ผ๊ด€์„ฑ, ๋ฌธ๋ฒ•์—์„œ ํ”ํžˆ ํ•˜๋Š” ์‹ค์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ํ”ผํ•˜๋Š” ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ•์„ ๊ฐ•์กฐํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ๋ชจ๋ฒ” ์—์„ธ์ด๋Š” IELTS ์‹œํ—˜์„ ์ค€๋น„ํ•˜๋Š” ESL ํ•™์ƒ๋“ค์—๊ฒŒ ์™„๋ฒฝํ•ฉ๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์ด๋Ÿฌํ•œ ์ƒ˜ํ”Œ์„ ํ•™์Šตํ•จ์œผ๋กœ์จ ๊ณ ๋ฐด๋“œ ์–ดํœ˜, ์œ ์šฉํ•œ ๋ฌธ๊ตฌ, ์ž‘๋ฌธ ์„ฑ๋Šฅ์„ ํ–ฅ์ƒ์‹œํ‚ฌ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ๋Š” ํšจ๊ณผ์ ์ธ ๋ฌธ์žฅ ๊ตฌ์กฐ๋ฅผ ๋ฐฐ์šธ ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค.

๋ชจ๋“  ์—์„ธ์ด๋Š” ๋ฌด๋ฃŒ๋กœ ์ฝ๊ณ  ๋‹ค์šด๋กœ๋“œํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์–ด ํ•™์Šต ๊ณ„ํš์— ์‰ฝ๊ฒŒ ์ถ”๊ฐ€ํ•  ์ˆ˜ ์žˆ์Šต๋‹ˆ๋‹ค. ์˜ค๋Š˜๋ถ€ํ„ฐ ์—ฐ์Šต์„ ์‹œ์ž‘ํ•˜๊ณ  ์ž์‹ ๊ฐ ์žˆ๊ฒŒ IELTS ๋ผ์ดํŒ… ํƒœ์Šคํฌ 2 ์ ์ˆ˜๋ฅผ ๋†’์ด์„ธ์š”!